Motherhood: simple and hard at the same time

This motherhood thing is a roller coaster - at least for me.

Between the breastfeeding pain, the schedule (or non-schedule), and the overwhelming feeling that I'm not stimulating his brain enough during the day, I feel like a mess.

The first week he was born was spent in the hospital. The second week J was home and we had fun getting to know our LC and how our little family ticked. Then the third and fourth weeks I was blessed to have my Mom come out and then my Dad.

So this is my first official week home alone with LC.

Rather intimidating.

I'm a wreck because the feeding continues to hurt even though I'm trying everything including a special ($63) ointment, possibly another dose of the pill I took last week, shoving as much of my boob into his mouth as I can to make a less painful latch. And not even really knowing if I needed the medicine in the first place, but taking it since the nurse suggested it and the doctor approved it.

And to treat or not treat LC is the next obstacle. His nurse says that if I'm treated it'll go through my milk to him (he's showing no symptoms), but others swear to treat the both of us since we can pass it back and forth (this is all assuming I actually have an infection and am not just some wuss who can't take the heat).

And to schedule or not schedule. LC is about a month old and our schedule consists of feeding every 3 hours (or more if he shows hunger cues, I'm not about to deprive my baby of food or diminish my own milk supply). And then we nap and play and read and have tummy time. All happens in a day, just not the same times everyday. I guess that's good enough but some people swear by getting their babies on a set schedule.

I don't know, it is just a lot coming at me, and I want to do what's best for us as a family and for LC and I as the two who are home together all day everyday for the next few months.

This is our special time to bond weather it be through the teamwork of feeding, the bewilderment his mother feels when he is awake and I'm supposed to be stimulating his brain when I can barely stimulate my own by reading the library book that has been sitting on my coffee table unopened for two weeks since it was originally dropped off.

Am I supposed to force him to take a nap after each feeding by putting him in his crib or bassinet or pack n' play? Or take advantage of the wake time and hope he gets sleepy a bit later so that he at least gets some rest in during the day?

Each day is different. Ups and downs, but I still look at him in awe and know that he has changed my life forever, and in the best best way possible. And that he will help me to get us on whatever schedule or non-schedule that is needed.

We're in this together LC and I -- and J too :)